"No one changes their mind...

...because your insult was good enough."

--Me

Humility. Benefit of the doubt. Forgiveness.

I think of all the possible ways that life for humans could improve, one of the most impactful would be for more people to believe and internalize the idea that none of us are pure good or pure evil, that we are all shades of gray, and that we do better at some times than others, both at correctly identifying what is good, and at doing it when we know what it is.

(Is that one idea? Maybe it's a bunch of them. Just go with me here.)

It's hard do this because it turns out we are often wrong about when we are being/doing good. We know this, because sometimes we can plainly see in retrospect how wrong we were, despite how confident we felt about our wrongness at the time.

Humility. Benefit of the doubt. Forgiveness. I need to give these things to others, because I need them myself.

Dear friends and family,

[Originally posted to Facebook.]

You may notice me involving myself in more political discussions lately. I know I'm not the only one doing that, but I think that for me it's a bit unusual. I don't generally repost political memes, and only occasionally forward an article, usually with some comment about what was interesting to me about it.

I know that a lot of folks are sick of politics right now, and I don't blame them for feeling that way. From a certain perspective, most of America is overdosing on it daily. Non-stop reading and posting of tweets, news, Facebook posts and comments, etc. It's everywhere, permeating all of our social and entertainment spaces. It's not clear that this much focus on politics is good for us. But still, it continues. You can ignore it, or you can join it, but you can't end it. It's a national firehose of political free association.

In the past, I have typically preferred to have my political discussions privately, with a few trusted friends who I think do a good job of analyzing their biases and trying to keep each other in check when we discuss any given topic. The trust I have with those few allows us to explore ideas that are sometimes less certain, more uncomfortable, and not get sidetracked by the type of emotional outbursts which seem to derail this kind of discourse so easily in public conversations involving polarized participants.

And when I have ventured out into more public spaces, I have tried to be judicious, and to find a way to add my personal perspective while also being respectful of other opinions. My favorite thing is when I can think of a way to tie together seemingly disparate viewpoints, and identify more common ground than was obvious when I joined the conversation. This preference often leads me to discussing politics publicly in a meta way, commiserating about the kinds of troubles we all have in being rational and unbiased when we discuss something as important to us (and so closely associated with our personal identity) as politics.

Lately, though, I've ventured away from that a bit, and started to be a little more direct with my comments on the issues themselves. I notice, for example, that certain friends and family mostly prefer to repost memes generated by others. These memes are usually short, to the point, and they make some claim about some trending topic. Given how often these kinds of ideas get reposted, I have decided to experiment a bit more with taking them at face value. I am assuming the folks posting them believe the ideas they contain, and that they mean for other people reading their posts to think about these ideas. And presumably, they will value a thoughtful response more than just pure silence, even if the response isn't pure agreement.

I still intend to be as respectful as possible, but it's not out of the question that in beginning to respond in this way, I might cause some hard feelings. I hope that everyone who knows and loves me will feel comfortable enough with me to say so if this occurs. But I also know some people are just too nice to admit it even if that's what they feel. So I hope secondarily that if I hurt someone's feelings, I'm perceptive enough to notice it and back off. I consider political discussions to be optional in my life, and they're certainly not more important to me than the relationships I have with the human beings I love.

But, even though I think these discussions are optional, I do think they're interesting, and important. We have this weird new phenomenon here with Facebook, where you can easily send an idea to nearly everyone you know. Our moms, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, school friends, job friends, neighbors, shared interest friends, the whole weird tapestry of our personal social networks, all right here in one place!

For quite some time, I've thought this phenomenon (the kind of gathering that in my real life only ever happened at my wedding) had the potential to enable a new kind of breadth in communication that wasn't possible before. I find this particularly enticing because, as I understand it, one of the basic problems we all have in growing as people and adopting new ideas is that we mostly tend to stick to "our kind". Call it a bubble, or an echo chamber, or whatever term you like. Studies show that conservatives tend to prefer talking to conservatives, liberals to liberals, libertarians to libertarians, etc. So most of the time, we go around indulging in confirmation bias. Most of what we hear is either rejected as coming from outside that bubble, or immediately accepted, with very little in between.

Now, I'm aware that despite that promise, a lot of people have tried this, and not gotten much satisfaction out of it. Discussions so quickly become arguments, and thoughtful input changes to snark and ridicule and eye-rolling, and it goes off the rails so fast as to make your head spin. I've seen it numerous times, and I know you all have, too.

On the other hand, I do think that personalities matter. And I believe that one of the nice things I bring to the table in any given group is that I tend to be one of the peacemaker types. I want to see good in everyone, and I do my best to make a genuine, intelligent attempt to understand and reflect ideas and values even when they come from someone on the "opposite" side of a given issue from me. And even when I disagree, I try to show with my actions, and with my tone, that I care for people, and want them to feel safe and supported around me.

In the past, on a few discussions on my page, I have quietly deleted certain comments that came from friends I adore, comments that I personally found funny, but that I didn't think would be taken well by folks of other persuasions. I decided I'd rather preserve the inclusive tone, and sacrifice what might be very entertaining for some, but very hurtful to others I care about. When I've done that, I've had private conversations with those friends who made the comments, and they have universally responded positively with caring and understanding, and I am deeply grateful to know that I associate with the kind of people to react that way.

All of this is to say, I want to talk with you about what's on your mind, and I want to do it in a way that makes you want to continue the conversation, and I want my friends and family to be able to join in, too, if they're so inclined. Since so many of us are thinking about politics right now, that necessarily means discussing politics. I want that to be okay. I want to make it okay, at least in the spaces I control.

I can't promise that my ideas won't be wrong to you. I can't promise that either of us will have our minds changed. I can promise that I will do my best to speak from the heart, to do so politely, respectfully, and with a deep appreciation for the opportunity.

I can also promise to do the work of becoming more informed through research. There is so much information available to all of us, that there is very little reason to just take anyone's word about anything without verification. I can google! I can compare sources. I can notice which sources are more and less trusted by different groups, and try to focus on sources more trusted by more groups. Best of all are direct sources themselves, quotes from candidates, recordings, documents, etc. Separating fact from opinion from speculation is one of the most important tasks we all have, regardless of how our political values and preferences may differ.

Beyond that, I will fervently hope that doing this might at least lead to understanding each other a little bit better, and maybe increasing our common confidence that we're going to be okay despite having discussed something we disagreed about, and despite the juggernaut that is the U.S. political system continuing on its way to wherever it's going.

I would like the humans to be happier. I would like them to flourish. I know there are many ideas about how best to achieve that. I'm convinced that some portion of it will involve the free exchange of ideas.

Love and big hugs to you all.

--Derek

Ray Kurzweil: The world isn’t getting worse — our information is getting better

What I'm constantly wondering right now is: how can I find a healthy balance between, on the one hand, being aware of what is happening in the world, exercising and strengthening my empathy to extend it beyond my personal, local concerns, to a global scale, vs., on the other hand, overwhelming my innate limitations, and overdosing on outrage and frustration on a daily basis due to the never-ending firehose of problems and struggles in the world? 

It's a perplexing problem, and I think it's one that most of us are dealing with. I don't see any obvious, easy answers yet.

Ray Kurzweil: The world isn’t getting worse — our information is getting better

An Appeal to Optimism

You know what makes me most weary, in times like this? Negative hyperbole. Specifically, I am tired of statements like, "If ____ happens, it will be the end of ____ as we know it."

I can't help thinking, why must we make it seem so dire? Can we really not survive whatever setbacks might occur as a result of, oh, say, the choice for next President of the U.S.? And more generally, why don't we express more confidence in our ability to cope with setbacks? I'm talking both about the U.S. specifically, and humanity as a whole.

A lot of people like the saying, "This, too, shall pass." I prefer something more optimistic, like, "This, too, is unlikely to kill us, and therefore is likely to make us stronger, because it's in our nature to learn and grow." Too wordy, I know. Not as good of a sound byte. But more complete and accurate.

Americans are resilient! Human beings are resilient! We may not agree about a host of things, and we may take turns "winning" or "losing", but when we lose, do we simply quit?

No! Not if history is any guide.

Sure, it feels cathartic to say that sometimes. This far, and no farther! I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more! Etc. But when push comes to shove, most of the individuals I know, even those who complain the loudest about things they are worried about, keep fighting back, and trying, and growing, and loving, and living.

It's what we do. Same as we've always done. Same as we're always gonna do.

I know that I'm an optimistic person mostly because of the combination of genes and nurturing I inherited. I didn't just wake up one day, decide I was too pessimistic, and decide to be optimistic from now on. It has always been a core part of who I am.

But I also believe there are rational reasons to support optimism. Like several other billion people in the world, I am able to sit here and type this message in my comfortable home, and the bits I'm entering will soon be shot through wires and antennas and satellite dishes and broadcast all over the planet. I am living in a science fiction future that is getting more amazing by the day!

My wife is allowed to vote and have a job and choose her own career. My daughter and son will have more opportunity than either their mother or I had. Yes, they'll have some challenges I didn't have, but they'll also have had me to tell them things and show them how to live and love and thrive.

My friends of color are not owned by anyone, and they're allowed to associate freely with me in all places of business and leisure I know of.

We are having active conversations constantly about just what our problems are, and how we can fix them, and we are constantly, relentlessly trying to move things forward. I know we don't have consensus about just what is wrong and just what needs to be done, but that we're having such intense conversations shows at least that we care. Even people who disagree with you care!

I don't rule out that very bad things may happen. They've happened before, and they'll happen again. Some of them will be of our own doing, and some of them will be The Universe randomly screwing us over, like it does from time to time. But if any speck of humanity survives whatever bad thing may happen, then that speck will strive to find a way to survive and grow and flourish.

I really believe that. Even when there's all this negativity, I still believe what underlies it are basic motivations to not be satisfied with the status quo, and to try to make things better. We are getting there! Slowly but surely, things are changing for the better.

I know my saying these things won't necessarily change anyone's mind about the particular things they're worried about happening right now. But I just wanted to do my part, at least for the moment, to slightly shift the balance in your Friends feed towards optimism. I hope that's okay.

Male Engineering Student Perfectly Explains Why Female Classmates Aren’t His Equals

If I could wave a magic wand and undo all of the biases and discrimination my wife and daughter and mother and sisters and nieces and all the other wonderful, capable women I know have to face for their entire lives, I would. Instead, the best I can do is continue doggedly trying to discover and eliminate my own, to pass what I learn along to my son, and to encourage them all to keep fighting for what they deserve based on their merits and capabilities. Of all things, learning to focus most on what they can *do*, and less on how they *look*, is at the top of my list of daily To Do items.

Male Engineering Student Perfectly Explains Why Female Classmates Aren’t His Equals

Malala Yousafzai at SJSU

There are days that are regular, where you just go about your business as usual. And there are days that are difficult or trying for some reason, where it takes all of your strength to get through it, barely putting one foot in front of the other. And then there are days where something wonderful or inspiring happens, or where you find yourself in the presence of someone inspiring by virtue of who they are and what they have done. And when you're really lucky, more than one source of inspiration will come to you all at once. I try to notice when it's one of those days, and really soak up the energy, hoping to store it up for later, for those regular or difficult days. Today is one of those days for me, for a lot of reasons. The reason I'll mention right now, is that we are going to see this wonderful young woman, Malala, at SJSU.
Malala Yousafzai at SJSU