Dear friends and family,

[Originally posted to Facebook.]

You may notice me involving myself in more political discussions lately. I know I'm not the only one doing that, but I think that for me it's a bit unusual. I don't generally repost political memes, and only occasionally forward an article, usually with some comment about what was interesting to me about it.

I know that a lot of folks are sick of politics right now, and I don't blame them for feeling that way. From a certain perspective, most of America is overdosing on it daily. Non-stop reading and posting of tweets, news, Facebook posts and comments, etc. It's everywhere, permeating all of our social and entertainment spaces. It's not clear that this much focus on politics is good for us. But still, it continues. You can ignore it, or you can join it, but you can't end it. It's a national firehose of political free association.

In the past, I have typically preferred to have my political discussions privately, with a few trusted friends who I think do a good job of analyzing their biases and trying to keep each other in check when we discuss any given topic. The trust I have with those few allows us to explore ideas that are sometimes less certain, more uncomfortable, and not get sidetracked by the type of emotional outbursts which seem to derail this kind of discourse so easily in public conversations involving polarized participants.

And when I have ventured out into more public spaces, I have tried to be judicious, and to find a way to add my personal perspective while also being respectful of other opinions. My favorite thing is when I can think of a way to tie together seemingly disparate viewpoints, and identify more common ground than was obvious when I joined the conversation. This preference often leads me to discussing politics publicly in a meta way, commiserating about the kinds of troubles we all have in being rational and unbiased when we discuss something as important to us (and so closely associated with our personal identity) as politics.

Lately, though, I've ventured away from that a bit, and started to be a little more direct with my comments on the issues themselves. I notice, for example, that certain friends and family mostly prefer to repost memes generated by others. These memes are usually short, to the point, and they make some claim about some trending topic. Given how often these kinds of ideas get reposted, I have decided to experiment a bit more with taking them at face value. I am assuming the folks posting them believe the ideas they contain, and that they mean for other people reading their posts to think about these ideas. And presumably, they will value a thoughtful response more than just pure silence, even if the response isn't pure agreement.

I still intend to be as respectful as possible, but it's not out of the question that in beginning to respond in this way, I might cause some hard feelings. I hope that everyone who knows and loves me will feel comfortable enough with me to say so if this occurs. But I also know some people are just too nice to admit it even if that's what they feel. So I hope secondarily that if I hurt someone's feelings, I'm perceptive enough to notice it and back off. I consider political discussions to be optional in my life, and they're certainly not more important to me than the relationships I have with the human beings I love.

But, even though I think these discussions are optional, I do think they're interesting, and important. We have this weird new phenomenon here with Facebook, where you can easily send an idea to nearly everyone you know. Our moms, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, school friends, job friends, neighbors, shared interest friends, the whole weird tapestry of our personal social networks, all right here in one place!

For quite some time, I've thought this phenomenon (the kind of gathering that in my real life only ever happened at my wedding) had the potential to enable a new kind of breadth in communication that wasn't possible before. I find this particularly enticing because, as I understand it, one of the basic problems we all have in growing as people and adopting new ideas is that we mostly tend to stick to "our kind". Call it a bubble, or an echo chamber, or whatever term you like. Studies show that conservatives tend to prefer talking to conservatives, liberals to liberals, libertarians to libertarians, etc. So most of the time, we go around indulging in confirmation bias. Most of what we hear is either rejected as coming from outside that bubble, or immediately accepted, with very little in between.

Now, I'm aware that despite that promise, a lot of people have tried this, and not gotten much satisfaction out of it. Discussions so quickly become arguments, and thoughtful input changes to snark and ridicule and eye-rolling, and it goes off the rails so fast as to make your head spin. I've seen it numerous times, and I know you all have, too.

On the other hand, I do think that personalities matter. And I believe that one of the nice things I bring to the table in any given group is that I tend to be one of the peacemaker types. I want to see good in everyone, and I do my best to make a genuine, intelligent attempt to understand and reflect ideas and values even when they come from someone on the "opposite" side of a given issue from me. And even when I disagree, I try to show with my actions, and with my tone, that I care for people, and want them to feel safe and supported around me.

In the past, on a few discussions on my page, I have quietly deleted certain comments that came from friends I adore, comments that I personally found funny, but that I didn't think would be taken well by folks of other persuasions. I decided I'd rather preserve the inclusive tone, and sacrifice what might be very entertaining for some, but very hurtful to others I care about. When I've done that, I've had private conversations with those friends who made the comments, and they have universally responded positively with caring and understanding, and I am deeply grateful to know that I associate with the kind of people to react that way.

All of this is to say, I want to talk with you about what's on your mind, and I want to do it in a way that makes you want to continue the conversation, and I want my friends and family to be able to join in, too, if they're so inclined. Since so many of us are thinking about politics right now, that necessarily means discussing politics. I want that to be okay. I want to make it okay, at least in the spaces I control.

I can't promise that my ideas won't be wrong to you. I can't promise that either of us will have our minds changed. I can promise that I will do my best to speak from the heart, to do so politely, respectfully, and with a deep appreciation for the opportunity.

I can also promise to do the work of becoming more informed through research. There is so much information available to all of us, that there is very little reason to just take anyone's word about anything without verification. I can google! I can compare sources. I can notice which sources are more and less trusted by different groups, and try to focus on sources more trusted by more groups. Best of all are direct sources themselves, quotes from candidates, recordings, documents, etc. Separating fact from opinion from speculation is one of the most important tasks we all have, regardless of how our political values and preferences may differ.

Beyond that, I will fervently hope that doing this might at least lead to understanding each other a little bit better, and maybe increasing our common confidence that we're going to be okay despite having discussed something we disagreed about, and despite the juggernaut that is the U.S. political system continuing on its way to wherever it's going.

I would like the humans to be happier. I would like them to flourish. I know there are many ideas about how best to achieve that. I'm convinced that some portion of it will involve the free exchange of ideas.

Love and big hugs to you all.

--Derek